How much I must criticize
you, my church and yet how much I love you!
made me suffer more than anyone and yet I owe more to you than anyone.
like to see you destroyed and yet I need your presence.
given me much scandal and yet you alone have made me understand holiness.
this world have I seen anything more compromised, more false;
yet never have I touched anything more pure, more generous or more
times have I felt like slamming the door of my soul in your face
and yet, every night, I have prayed that I might die in your sure arms!
cannot be free of you for I am one with you, even if not completely you.
– where would I go? To build another church?
But I could not build one without the same defects, for they are my defects
And again, if I were to build another church it would be my church, not
No, I am
old enough now. I know better.
Paraphrased from Carlo Caretto,
I sought and I found (London: Darton, Longmann, Todd)